Still Here

Still Here is a single channel video installation that exposes the complexity of traumatic memory. The video presents an auditioning scenario in which the performer takes on the task of remembering a failed suicide attempt of her mother. Still Here captures both the impossibility of recounting trauma and the urge to tell it. 

Still Here was filmed with two cameras opposite each other and with the performer standing in the middle. The front camera was the main camera to which the performer narrates the story, the back camera reveals the unceasing presence of trauma in the lives of trauma survivors. 

The audition process serves as a metaphor for the convoluted nature of trauma. There is both the need to tell the story and the wish to forget, the involuntarily recurrence of the memory and the ability to simultaneously hold two different realities in one's mind. The editing is fragmented and the video is shown in a continuous loop. Although more of the story and the filming apparatus are revealed over time, the viewer never arrives at a conclusion. It is part of a complex structure that serves to complicate the viewer's identification with the performer.

Still Here is installed in an intimate dark space in a gallery with mono sound coming from speakers. This provides for a personal space to encounter an emotionally difficult piece that calls the viewer's attention to the internal conversations, conflicts, and vulnerabilities that structure the possibility for an empathetic response.

 

Installation shot